well here it is another year gone. this time last year i was in texas full speed ahead on a new career path feelin good and lookin even better. i shouldve known that wouldnt last. the fates those arbitrary bitches once again conspired to catch fire to my house of cards, so in classic olah (that’s me in case you dinna know) fashion i cut my losses and made for the hills, actually mountains, of portland. what did i learn from my recent brush with responsible adulthood? well, for one thing success isnt as easy as it sounds even if you put your whole heart and soul into it. either that or ive not figured out what it is im here for. {”here” in the metaphorical metaphysical sense, not here on the interent… i know why im here on the internet: porn.) love will never stay despite any effort to the contrary, and of course the lack of effort just hastens its demise. eventually even the ones you love most will be taken away or will just get tired of trying to keep up. that seems a prosaic notion for someone in thier late 30s to be figuring out i guess, but hey ive always been a late bloomer. also, starting over gets harder as the years go by, maybe some day soon i’ll get it right. like tammy wynette says “i’ll just keep on fallin in love til i get it right” well tammy add to love, everything else and im right there with you. ive spent such a large portion of my life alone that the concept of being “with” someone else in a romantic or non-romantic but somehow exclusive context is both alien and frightening. but then even more frightening is the concept of being that ratty old man who mutters under his breath because there’s no one else he can talk to. fear of action vs fear of inaction, i dont know which will win out in the end. we’ll save that for another year. so, out with the old, in with the new. let’s see if i can make this year more than the sum of the preceeding 36.
ps: if this strikes you as overly pessimistic, narcissistic, whiney, bitchy or just annoying well then i guess you just dont know me.
xoxo
olah
August 17, 2007 at 6:12 pm
He Went To Paris Jimmy Buffett
He went to Paris looking for answers
To questions that bothered him so
He was impressive, young and aggressive
Saving the world on his own.
But the warm Summer breezes
The French wines and cheeses
Put his ambition at bay
Summers and Winters
Scattered like splinters
And four or five years slipped away.
He went to England, played the piano
And married an actress named Kim
They had a fine life, she was a good wife
Bore him a young son named Jim.
And all of the answers and all of the questions
He locked in his attic one day
‘Cause he liked the quiet clean country living
And twenty more years slipped away.
Well the war took his baby, the bombs killed his lady
And left him with only one eye
His body was battered, his world was shattered
And all he could do was just cry.
While the tears were falling, he was recalling
The answers he never found
So he hopped on a freighter, skidded the ocean
And left England without a sound.
Now he lives in the islands, fishes the pilin’s
And drinks his green label each day
He’s writing his memoirs and losing his hearing
But he don’t care what most people say.
Through eighty-six years of perpetual motion
If he likes you he’ll smile then he’ll say
Jimmy, some of it’s magic, some of it’s tragic
But I had a good life all the way.
And he went to Paris looking for answers
To questions that bothered him so.
August 17, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Happy Birthday, Wonko!
congnizant of my limitations as a motivational speaker, i offer this:
http://poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15206